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Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt
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You
need
to
change
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You need to change.
I need to change.
Man, I have been feeling like I have been on a treadmill
and I haven't moved at all.
And it's because fear has kept me back, but more importantly, it's been
my own self, I've been getting in my
own way and I've been living my life through a mindset of scarcity and
through a mindset of what if I
lose it all?
I'm sure you know this mindset very well.
The idea, well,
if I leave this person that's treating me terribly in this relationship,
what if I never find somebody?
Well, if I decide to move somewhere, what about all the friends that I already have?
If I decide to take a chance on myself, what if it doesn't work out?
The what ifs are ruining
everything in your life? Mine as well.
And I'll tell you something.
This fear of failure, it's not something that goes away.
Unless you start to oppose it.
Unless you tell yourself, you know what?
So what if I fail?
So what if it doesn't work out?
So what if I don't like it?
I'd rather know than not.
But it's so much easier in our minds to talk
ourselves out of these things and to fall in this hole
of complacency, and I just want to tell you: you don't need to stay there.
I'm sorry if somebody made you think
that you were never good enough.
And I'm sorry if your brain is making you think
that you are some kind of loser and that you don't
deserve to change and that people will look at you differently if you do,
but I promise you that no one will.
In fact, you will be noticed by the people that you want in your life when you do.
What does this change look like?
I think, for me right now, my judgment is clouded.
It feels like I am just in the waves, kind of going around
and I'm not able to have some kind of steady water.
And I think what's helped me in the past is deliberately giving yourself time and isolation.
Picking a period of your life.
Maybe it's a week.
Maybe it's a month.
For some of us, it's been even a year.
I took a year of just being alone.
And listening to what my inner dialogue was telling me, my gut, my intuition.
And it's funny because
right now I kind of feel disconnected from my intuition because
I have fallen in this complacency.
And your intuition comes to life really when you challenge your beliefs,
yourself, and you find other people that are on
the same path as you.
But that does not happen unless you do the work.
The work looks like
questioning what you want,
questioning what feels right and what you actually need
because those are two different things.
What might feel right
is chilling out on the beach all day and not addressing the fact that you've gained some weight,
that you have
not been good to yourself, that you've actually been very distant from your partner, and they're noticing.
And maybe it's the fact that you've been avoiding
a lot of the problems in your life because you don't think
you can fix them.
When in reality, you absolutely can.
It takes time.
And I think what has helped me a lot is deliberately taking that isolated time and doing me.
When people say, I'ma do me.
What does that mean?
It means taking care of yourself as if you were another person.
It means going on walks, listening to good music, giving your brain kind of this empty canvas to paint on.
And sometimes it won't want to paint, it will want to write and allowing yourself to write.
I did this a lot.
I probably would journal every single day
in a time period where I really didn't feel good about myself and also not taking things so seriously.
You don't have your stuff together right now, right?
You feel like you're behind the ball.
You feel like everyone except you is excelling in life.
No, they're not, bro. No, they're not.
People are just acting on things.
But right now, you can't think in action.
You need to think about what is blocking you.
Why are you so quick
to beat yourself up for wanting to try something new?
What is causing that?
Why are you so quick to dismiss that idea you have for a really cool video?
What is stopping that? Why are you not letting yourself make music and create art?
Why are you not letting yourself study for exams you know that are important?
And instead, you're using your time to stay up late. Why?
If you don't get to the root of this,
you will spend your entire life trying to patch up the symptoms.
And I have been so good at finding things that patch up the symptoms of my life. Oh.
Well, I'm not comfortable with how I look.
Maybe a new hoodie is gonna solve that. Oh, I'm really
upset that I went to bed late.
Well, if I have some pizza first thing in the morning, it'll make me feel better about myself.
These are just small fixes.
And really what a lot of us struggle with and myself included is
we don't have the character
to look back on and reference in order to tell ourselves we're gonna be okay.
We've instead let ourselves kind of live in this limbo.
Instead of having systems, instead of having routine,
that we know we can fall back on and be like, hey,
I know my life is crazy right now.
I know that it's unpredictable.
I know that I am feeling really conflicted about my relationships.
I'm feeling really conflicted about where I live, where I'm visiting.
The fact that I go home, I don't even feel like I'm at home, but you know what?
I know that I have some things that I can do every day.
at least make me feel a little bit like me.
I've also just been such a terrible
parent to myself.
You have to have this relationship with your inner child.
And it's really difficult when you want your inner kid to be happy.
And their happiness is not in productivity.
And you've built your
identity around maybe going to the gym every day, maybe being really
in tune with your craft
and your work.
And what if your inner child is like rebelling against that? And they don't want to do that.
And they actually want to go and play a sport.
They want to go swim.
They want to go have a smoothie.
You know, I used to get smoothies from McDonald's
when my mom would take me to school in the mornings.
Sometimes she didn't have enough time to make breakfast.
And that was always my go to. And I love the mango smoothie they had.
Oh man, it was probably like juice and ice.
But for like an 11 year old, it was heaven.
small things like that.
You deprive your inner child of having.
And instead you make them slave away.
And instead you then question, why am I unhappy?
You don't give yourself the freedom to be happy.
You have to set time for yourself.
You have to. It's something I'm learning this year.
It's been so difficult.
I am one of the worst time managers I know.
But it is a choice because part of me doesn't think I deserve the time.
I say, well, what's the point in me having time if it's going to get squandered?
A really bad mindset comes over because
maybe I don't feel like I'm productive enough and I don't work hard enough.
And therefore, having more free time is a bad thing.
When in reality, it's, it's not.
It's a blessing.
And it's something I should cherish.
My inner child for a while has also been telling me to like
go travel to places that I want to go to,
not because I have family there, not because I have friends there.
Be alone.
And I, I've been afraid to do that recently. How you doing?
because I'm afraid that if I step away
from my show, from the things that satisfy
a part of me that is afraid of not being consistent, being a loser, being someone that's less than,
I'm going
to lose something.
And I think this mindset can hold a lot of us back
because we begin to look at our lives, not
through the lens of what we can gain, but always what we can lose.
And this scarcity, it drains your cortisol. It really does.
It makes you feel like everything is, you know, now or never.
You're all in or you're not in.